Maintaining the Sisterhood
By: Red Velvet
One of my favorite books (and movies) is The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. It’s about four best friends who have known each other their entire lives and how they stay friends as they grow up and change. I love this story because it reminds me of my own best friends. Except replace “their entire lives” with “since college” and remove all references to magical jeans. But otherwise, it’s pretty much perfect in that it captures the beautiful friendship they (and we) share. I would think most girls would relate to a story like this one.
Lately, I’ve been realizing that’s not always true.
This all came up Saturday night while hanging out with my two younger cousins, Jo and Jay, and Jo’s girlfriend. We were cooking dinner when we got on the topic of our older cousin’s recent engagement and Jo’s girlfriend suddenly said: “I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get married, I don’t have any friends! Who’s going to be in my bridal party?” I made some sympathetic comments but I didn’t really know what to say. It came up again when she asked me if I’d ever gone on vacation with my friends. I told her of course and named a bunch of places (Myrtle Beach, Boston, Cape May, Toronto, DC - in case you were wondering!). Her response: “Wow, I really need to make some friends.” Finally I caved in and asked why she didn’t have any.
She explained that girls are usually catty and she has a lot of trouble trusting people. Plus it takes so much effort and time to maintain friendships and she’d rather just spend her free time with her boyfriend.
I do understand where she’s coming from (to a certain extent) and I’m seeing more and more that a lot of girls feel the same way. I told her I’d been burned in the past by friends and how I’ve put my trust in the wrong people before. But you learn from those experiences and you also learn not everyone is like that. It’s just a matter of finding your niche. And once you do, you’ll find that you’re more than happy to make the effort. As for the catty thing, well - sometimes I think too many girls assume that other girls are catty and it just turns into this vicious cycle because everyone makes the same assumption. [Sidenote: There’s an Eva Mendes quote that I love and think would fit perfectly here: “And I’m like to the guys, ‘Run for the hills when you hear a girl who says she only has guy friends.’ That is a bad situation, because all women should have their base of girls.”]
All women should have their base of girls. I thought everyone did. But seeing Jo’s girlfriend’s reaction to the time I spend with my best friends and even the comments people sometimes make to us - how we’re really lucky or how it’s amazing we’re still in touch after all this time. It’s made me see that a group of best girl friends is kind of rare. And it makes me sad that more people don’t have these types of friendships (ones I am so very grateful for).
When you fall in love and get into a relationship - things change (and I am admittedly speaking from observation here, not experience). You have to adapt and readjust your life to include this new person. I just don’t think that a significant other should take the place of your other relationships (whether it’s friendship or family). Quite frankly, doing so seems a little unhealthy. It’s important to have a support system and people you can just have fun with aside from your boyfriend.
I wish I could say all of this to my cousin’s girlfriend (without being judgmental or a know-it-all). Because I don’t think she fully realizes what she’s missing out on. It’s not just about having girls who can be in your bridal party or to go on vacation with - it’s what these friends bring to your life. Like what my friends bring to mine. A sense of belonging and acceptance - I can completely be myself with them. Laughter, love, confidence (they always pick me up during my woe-is-me moments) and the knowledge that I can talk to them about anything, good or bad. And it’s not easy. As we get older, it gets a lot harder to find time to hang out (especially with a group of four). We’re all either working, in school, in relationships, close to our families. But it’s about balance and understanding - we make time somehow and keep in touch constantly (thank you e-mail, text messaging, Facebook and Twitter!).
I really hope one day something happens to change my cousin’s girlfriend’s mind because I wish everyone had what I did (and still do).
(Picture credit belongs to ReelMovieNews.com)
