Couple of Crumbs

She called me out of the blue a couple months ago asking if I was going to a reunion our old high school classmates were trying to plan.  I said no and instead we made plans to get dinner in the city after work.  I expected dinner to be slightly awkward (but it wasn’t) and mostly about what we’d been up to these last few years.  The last thing I expected it to be was eye-opening.  But it was.  

Our conversation that entire night really made me think.

She asked me about dating and what was I doing to put myself out there.  Like, do I go to happy hours or did I have any interests that could be a group activity to meet new people. (My answers: No and I’m not sure).  She was very direct with her questions and comments.  When I told her that I was still kind of hoping to meet someone through a friend, she told me straight out — “What are the chances of a friend knowing a guy that would be perfect for you?”  In my experience, slim to none.  I just never really thought about the other options she mentioned and it made me want to make some changes.  Just in general, she kept asking me what I was waiting for and that I shouldn’t waste time being unhappy about certain aspects in my life. From there, I started seriously thinking about my portfolio again, about moving out and how I might want to approach dating.  

While a lot of my friends have talked to me about the same things, I felt like she provided a new perspective by not having been a part of my life for so long.  Ever since then, we’ve been keeping in touch through email and phone and I really hope we continue to hang out.  But if we don’t, I’ll definitely remember the impact our dinner had on me when I look back on 2011.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized just how hard it is to make friends. It’s almost as hard as dating. One of you may have more expectations, the other may push a little bit more, life gets in the way, etc. It all takes patience really, and the right person. Since my husband and I moved to our house, a state away from all my friends and the people we were most social with (my husband is more of a loner), we haven’t had much luck in the friend department. It’s kind of sad actually. It’s a pain in the ass to come visit us, we are the ones who always have to plan the parties or invite people over (we also did this when we lived at our parents’) and after awhile, it didn’t seem like much of it was reciprocated.

While it’s not as taboo now, I do find that it’s easy to meet people online. In fact, I did meet two online Twitter buddies this year and it’s been excellent. Really. I always wish they were closer or there was more time to hang out because sometimes I just feel like they get me.

In another strange twist of fate, I was lucky enough to maintain contact with two people I’ve met in person once. One, many states away, at a friend’s wedding. And another after we connected online, met at an event, and just kept on chatting. I don’t think I could get through the day without the two of these people, and I am so thankful for both of their friendships. We have so much in common, challenge each other, work well together, and just care about each other. (I really hope we’ll be able to meet up again in person soon!)

The other story is a bit odd as well. My husband met one of his (now) best friends when he was going to a certain food counter service every Friday for lunch. This guy was a manager, and they just hit it off. We ended up inviting the manager and his wife-to-be to our wedding, where I met them both for the first time. And almost 10 months later, it feels like we have known them forever. Since my husband and I have only lived together in a house far away from everyone else, we’ve never had the chance to be friends with people who are so laidback and will call us on a Wednesday to have dinner on the same night. It’s a crazy notion to us, and we always joke that this couple must be out to get us because no one is this nice. It’s also one of the reasons why the possibility of leaving the state is even sadder. We don’t want to leave them. We don’t want to not be able to hang out, and only see each other once awhile. But I guess we’ll see what happens with that…

You know, I’ve been very lucky my whole life. My best friends are people I’ve known since I was a little kid, and after that, two girls I’ve known since college. I’m good at making friends and if I do say so myself, I’m good at keeping them. I was out with one of my coworkers this weekend and she said something to me about a person who was a “networker”… she helped other people meet others. I can’t help but feel like that sometimes, and wish I had more opportunities where I live to be that person. I also just wish new people would sort of let their guard down and be open to new people. It’s a horrible thing to feel lonely, and I feel like a lot of our time in our home has been about dealing with that.

I just wish people were aware of how they treated others, and how just like anything else, friendships take work and time and a certain level of commitment.

On the other hand, I’ve seen this year that with some patience, people will come through when you least expect it. I really hope the ones I’ve been able to get to know recently become lifers. That wouldn’t be a bad thing at all.