Couple of Crumbs

Red Velvet #4: Haiku #WEverb11

Write a haiku.

Sum up your year, via haiku.

A woman with dreams
Europe, books and finding love
Some wishes came true

Summer Lovin’: Summer Reflection

Butterbeer is a web-designer turned nurse to be. She has been designing websites since high school, graduated as a computer science major but decided to pursue her childhood dream of working in the medical field.  She has not given up on web design because hey, why can’t she do both?  Her loves: family, fiance, friends, laughing, art, music, and books. Keep her away from ladders because she does not fair well near them (but that’s for another story).  
 
I remember one summer, three years ago, I had just come back from a business trip and decided that I needed a change. A few months before, I was working long hours for a boss from hell and coming home each day hating myself.  I was too scared to speak then because I was constantly on the brink of tears and I knew one word out of my mouth would open the flood gates.  On my way out of work one day, I said goodbye to my coworker when she looked at me, face framed in worry, and said, “C, you need to quit. I can tell you’re really stressed and unhappy. Is this really the career you want?”

I had been thinking about quitting for the longest time but was too scared to make the move. I had no other job lined up, I had bills to pay, and there was always this hope that things would get better at work.  But I knew that was far from reality. That night, with my coworker’s voice still ringing in my ears, I sat my parents down to talk.  I was already in tears but in a matter-of-fact voice I said, “I’m going to quit and find something new.” My parents, being so supportive, did not even argue or discourage me. They knew it was time for me to leave. The next week I went on my business trip, everything went well and the conference was a success. The day before my flight home, my boss sat me down and asked that I work on this project full-time. For a split second I thought, “Is this my big break at work?” But I knew what I had to do and I respectfully declined.

The days, months, and years after that conversation were all a blur. I ended up working part-time for the same organization but with the perks of working from home, negotiating my own time and pay.  But the major advantage — no boss from hell! I did that for a few months but still I wanted more. That was when I decided to revisit my childhood dream of becoming a doctor.

For the longest time I wanted to be a doctor but somewhere along sophomore year of high school and college applications, I decided on computer science. But I could never shake the thought of medicine out of my mind. One afternoon I spoke to my dad about it and he totally shot the idea down. I remember him saying (and I remember the protests I made in my mind), “Becoming a doctor is a big commitment (I can be committed! I’m in a 12-year relationship!), takes a lot of time (Dude, I’m 25. I got lots of time!), and money (Okay, you got me there…)”. The stake to the heart was when he said, “Think about how old you are going to be by the time you graduate? Don’t you want a family?”

Don’t get me wrong, I did want a family but in my 25-year-old mind, that was not my prime priority. I thought I was capable of doing it all and the issue of time never crossed my mind but I knew my dad was just being realistic. Though that conversation was a bit depressing and discouraging, it did wake me up. I had to find a career that first of all, I loved, provided me with a stable future, wouldn’t put me in a massive debt and could be achieved in a realistic time frame.  Easier said than done, right? Right…  

It took me almost a year to figure it out and if you asked me 10 years ago if I wanted to become a nurse, one look at my face would immediately tell you the answer was no. I had nothing against a nursing career — I grew up in a family full of amazing nurses but for the longest time, I never saw it as a career but more of as a job. But, three years later, I am on my way to becoming an RN.

So what changed my mind? Several things actually. The main ones being the great stories my aunts would tell me, the anatomy & physiology class I took (I love, love, love physiology), and the many amazing things you can do with nursing that I never knew about until a few years ago such as, becoming a Nurse Practitioner (sick note, anyone?) or putting my computer background to use by contributing to new medical technologies. The possibilities are endless. Come this November, the 3rd to be exact, I will be graduating from my program and, I hope, on my way to saving and changing people’s lives.

I went through a lot of changes, hardships, insecurities, and difficulties these past three years but looking back, quitting was the best decision of my life. I had a conversation with my now fiance a few nights ago about where our lives would be if we hadn’t made the decisions we made then (he also took a leap of faith, quit his job and is now working for a company he loves)  and to tell you the truth, I don’t really know. What I do know is that for the first time in the longest time, I feel that I am headed in the right direction and although I embarked on this journey for myself, I wouldn’t have made it through this far without the support and help from God, my family, fiance, and best friends.

This picture is framed and hanging in my room. It was given to me by my wonderful coworkers.

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Summer Reflection is part of our Summer Series.

Guest Post: Making Adjustments

 ”Fight the future” is a shy cupcake who lives in her own little world. A pop culture geek, lover of languages and different cultures, and professional daydreamer, her mind usually takes her to mind-blowing places. She is fearless. If she sets her heart on something, she knows she will get it… or that’s what she likes to believe.

When I was first approached to write this piece, I didn’t hesitate. I really admire what Funfetti and Red Velvet are doing here and I wanted to be a small part of their adventure in blogland.

I had thought of a topic which was close to my heart at the time but, due to a series of events, all the words I had typed suddenly lost their meaning and I needed time to rethink my guest post. Sometimes I feel that too much joy ultimately brings about tragedy. The universe has some sort of secret mechanism to balance the world.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve had a dream: travelling around the world. The year 2011 was supposed to be my year, I began planning my dream trip and it all seemed so surreal. A week in Paris and another week in London, a weekend camping at a rock festival and a day trip to the English countryside. I was on cloud nine… the fall was inevitably going to hurt.

Most reservations were made, I was deciding on what sights to see, what museums to visit and what plays to attend once I got to Europe, when my parents and I realized that my doggy had a bump which looked like a tumor. We were afraid of what the vet would say, yet we had no other choice but to call him. The vet came home and told us that our dog had to be operated on before it got any worse. I don’t know if it was the confidence in the vet’s voice or the fact that we wanted to believe that everything was going to be alright, but we thought that, even at age 15, our little guy was strong enough to endure surgery.

We were prepared to hear bad news, or that’s what I thought… I had never lost anyone close to me; my grandparents died either before I was born or when I was so young that I didn’t fully understand what death implied. When the phone rang and that confident voice told me he had had a heart attack and there was nothing he could do, I felt so weak and empty… as if someone had ripped out my heart and stepped on it, repeatedly. It’s impossible to prepare for the conversation I would have with my parents: “where were we going to bury our dog?” I asked my grandmother if we could do the burial in her backyard, he loved it there. I wasn’t expecting her response: “Of course, he’s family.” And that’s the exact moment when it hit me, and the tears came rushing uncontrollably.

That night was the longest night of my life. All kind of thoughts crossed my mind, wondering if we had made the right choice, if we should have done anything differently, if the outcome would have been another one. Now I’m positive, we did what we were supposed to do and he left with dignity, I could have never handled it otherwise. Tough, that doesn’t make it any easier.

Every day I wake up and look around to let him go outside, at noon I expect to hear him asking for lunch and when I get back home it takes me over a minute to remember why he is not there to greet me. When I’m in the kitchen I feel he’s behind me, but I look at that corner where he used to take his nap and he’s not there. I miss him, and I will never forget him nor the fifteen years he shared with us. He was there when I was a little girl, he was there when I was a teenager with boy troubles, he was there when I turned into an independent young woman, moving away from home to study at University and he was there when I graduated and started looking for a job. He watched me grow up and comforted me along the way. He made the ride so much easier, he brought me peace whenever it was needed. I watched him as a playful puppy nobody wanted to adopt, with his piggy tail and his awkward looks, I watched him turn into my very protective best friend, I watched him grow old.

So, what now? I have to go on. I have to put reality aside and carry on with my plans. The thing is, I no longer feel like planning. The idea of travelling through Europe no longer seems… important. It took me years to be this close to actually living my dream, but all of a sudden, it feels rushed. I should be mourning, I want to crawl under the covers and lay in a fetal position, I don’t feel like choosing a hostel and a sightseeing route. I need time to process the changes and I don’t have any.

As the departure date approaches, I’m scared. I’ve invested so much time and energy in making my dream come true, I want everything to be perfect – being the control freak that I am – but I don’t know if I’m ready to face the fact that things just might not go as planned.

Dreams + Jason Mraz + FB Nightmares

Well, if you follow us on Twitter, you may know it’s certainly been a dramatic week (kind of). Our hopes of remaining anonymous were a bit threatened unfortunately. It led to some panic, but we decided just to be safe to delete our original Facebook fan page, and start fresh. So here we are. If you haven’t already, please be sure to re-like us on Facebook. We did everything in quite a hurry and lost a good number of followers. Poo. (Warning: For the few readers who know us IRL, please talk to us before liking the blog on FB. Thanks!!)

Anyway, here we are also at a new month. Time to say goodbye to our dream series. (Funny enough, Funfetti has started to have more dreams since the end of this. haha.) Here’s the series in full if you missed any entries:

• Week 1
• Week 2
• Week 3
• Week 4

And of course, the inspiratation for our title:

Look forward to a new series starting on Friday! Woo!

Happy Wednesday!

Sleeping to Dream: Week #4

Funfetti: 

I think my dreams may be sabotaging me this week. After a month of recording them, I can barely remember one (which is sad, because I really loved working on this series). Don’t worry I came up with a plan.

Dream #1: I am in some kind of hall with long tables. It looks like I am about to graduate high school (again? Who wants to relive that?!). I guess this hall is connected to a hotel because I go up to shower and when I return, everyone have received their final grades and also their “achievements”. It seems that my best friend has gotten one and I haven’t, and I’m a bit peeved. I’m also sitting at a table with a bunch of people I have not thought of/”seen” on Facebook at all.

No idea what to take from this one. It seems like if I’m not dreaming about celebrities lately, it’s people I thought I have forgotten (except my best friend, of course). Back in the day, I was so excited to graduate high school and move on to college, and from what I could gather, I felt the same way here. (Why is everything so rustic & wooden in my dreams?)

Now because I can’t remember anything else from this week, or the past month, I’d thought I’d mention 2 recurring dreams I’ve had since I was young.

• People move into my childhood home, and my family is still living in there. They are actually in the backyard, doing landscaping and I am watching from the family room. I’m confused and not sure how this happened. When the man who bought the house approaches me, he is not welcoming. I have no idea where to go or who to talk to.
• All of my sudden my childhood home has another floor. I am scared of that floor and want absolutely nothing to do with it. But on a few occasions, I find myself up there. Scared out of my wits. It’s very elegantly decorated, densely with Victorian like furniture. There is a coffin in the middle of the room. And there are times I come in contact with “the man” who lives up there, and looks slightly like a vampire.

Clearly, these 2 must have rattled me a lot since I had them a lot. In fact, I know I had the vampire one about a year ago. So that’s been going on for awhile, except that time Mr. FF was in the dream somehow.